Beautiful Pain

The weather was perfect, slightly sunny, and slightly windy. I was feeling absolutely wonderful, walking towards the French cafe I love so much. As I walked, I thought about how I was feeling in the morning. I pushed the thought away; I didn’t want to ruin a wonderful day.

I hadn’t felt this happy for a while now. But, deep down I knew that the happiness I felt was not for the perfect weather or the fact I was going to my favorite cafe. It was because I was going to meet him. It was always him, he made me feel safe, made me smile, made me happy.

I woke with a start; I turned to my right and got up. I always did that, turned to my right before sitting up. I had no idea why I did it, maybe just a habit. I walked over to the mirror (another habit), I saw myself and cringed. I hated my skin, my hair, my face. I was beautiful once, but I stopped taking care of myself and now I’m this- cracked skin, almost balding hairline and fat. I walked away from the mirror to drink water. I remembered I was dreaming just before I woke up, it was about him. It always is.

Today was bright and sunny, a day meant to be enjoyed outside- riding a bike, meeting friends for coffee and whatever you did, to enjoy the sun. I, on the other hand, hated the sun. So, today meant, stay in my apartment and read. I loved reading, books were special. I cling to books especially when I am low. Reading meant disappearing into another world, escaping the reality. It also kept me busy, if I was not busy, then I would break into a million pieces and I didn’t have any strength left to put myself back together.

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Daily Prompt- Cling

Photo credit- Google

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